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Niya’s Four-Day Diet

DAY ONE–PMS
“I will never eat again!”

DAY TWO–PMS
“Since the body is mostly water I will not drink any water all day to make it evaporate.
The brain is 75% water. But I’ll take my chances.”

DAY THREE–PMS (still)
“I’ll eat one rice cracker and drink 1/2 glass of water. I’ll call every chatty girlfriend I can think of to burn off calories on the phone. If I pass out, they won’t notice. This will keep me away from soap operas and the mirror.”

DAY FOUR–PMS (means ‘possessed, mucky, shorter)
“I just poured dishsoap on the sherbet. It was staring me down. It was it or me. I did what I had to.”
List of what you’ll need to loose 4 lbs in 4 days:

Water
Rice Crackers
Dish Soap (for evil foods in the house)

Schedule:
PMS time.
When you look in the mirror a lot because you barely recognize your poofy cheeks.

Fear based diets are in. What do you think? Do I have a chance of making gazillions on this one?

 

~~excerpted from Bragging Bantering Bantering story collection

One Comment

  • Simone on Jul 29, 2005 Reply

    Hmmm…could work. I have apple-scented dish soap. Would that work? It’s in the fruit category, right?
    😉

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